The Education of Rodney McKay
by PyroDragon2006
Summary: Rodney doesn't like children, so how does he handle a computerized one running around Atlantis? Badly. Set after my other two fics. Rated T for some language. John and Rodney's POVs.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This takes place after my other two fics, and deals heavily with an OC created in those stories. For it to make sense, you should really read those first. Feedback is always welcome, and much appreciated!

Disclaimer: I don't own or profit from Stargate: Atlantis. This is purely for non-profit entertainment purposes only.

Spoilers: Everything through the end of Season 2 is fair game for being mentioned, especially Critical Mass and Michael.

**The Education of Rodney McKay**

Rodney's POV

With an irritated snort, I scowled at the screen of my laptop, sitting open on the workbench in front of me. There was a line of text snaking its way across it, seemingly all on its own, and there-in lay my problem. How could I possibly get any work done with Miss Nosy into everything, making stupid suggestions? Wasn't it bad enough that I, Rodney McKay, resident genius and miracle worker of the Lost City of Atlantis, had to deal with the fumble fingered brain dead idiots that thought they were scientists? Why did I get saddled with a pint-sized know it all that wouldn't leave me alone?

Two words. John Sheppard.

"Why don't you go bug somebody else for a while, preferably on the other side of Atlantis?" I snapped, then glanced quickly around, afraid that one of my underlings had observed me talking to an apparently empty room.

Not that I was worried about appearing insane, or such nonsense. I was a genius, people _expected_ me to do things that their limited brains couldn't comprehend. _Normal_ was for others, like annoying fly boys who can't stay out of trouble even when on base. No, I was afraid someone would catch me doing the one thing that I had sworn I would never do. Talk to a member of the least useful section of the human race- a child.

Specifically, the Artificial Intelligence created by the Atlantis central computer, who for some reason that defied logic, chose to manifest herself as a six-year-old little girl nicknamed Allie. I swear she did it just to annoy me. Why else would a computer, with all the knowledge of the Ancients available to it, choose such a useless form? Brat.

'But John said I was supposed to help you with the repairs to the power distribution systems. And if you do it the way you have on the map, it'll just short out again.'

My head started to throb. It had taken over a week for Radek's team to isolate and eradicate the computer virus that had been blowing out Atlantis' systems as fast as we repaired them. Now that it was gone, it my turn. I had been working almost twenty-six hours a day for the last three days and I _didn't _need someone looking over my shoulder! Or through my computer. Or whatever.

"Just go away! Annoying, pain-in-the-ass kid! Can't even get rid of this one with chocolate!"

With a running mutter of insults, I returned to the mapping I was doing, trying to figure out what to bypass without compromising critical systems until I could get to the unused parts of Atlantis and scrounge some replacements. We really needed to figure out how to manufacture the blasted things, but that would be just a little too convenient, too simple. If there was anything I had noticed about dealing with the Ancients, it was that nothing was _ever _simple.

Take my best friend, for example. Not that I would _ever _admit that to him. The man wasn't even supposed to be here, let alone continually saving our collective asses at the price of almost losing his own scrawny one. He could have been MENSA, for crying out loud, and instead the wise-cracking Yank has to go and fly _helicopters_ for a living! What a waste! Even worse, he actually _believed _he was expendable! At least I had the intelligence to know that this place couldn't run without me and went out of my way to keep myself from getting killed. Colonel Martyr did exactly the opposite, damn the man. I hated the twisting of my gut every time we had to sit and wait for Carson to put him back together again. And now he'd saddled me with the twerp.

My computer screen went blank, wiping out all the work I had just done, and my temper snapped.

"HEY! You stupid little interfering brat! It isn't bad enough that you have to go around hurting people and stealing their memories, now you have to cause me headaches when I'm trying to _fix_ your sorry self! Go AWAY! Nobody. Wants. You. Here!"

The lights flashed twice, then silence descended on my lab. Immediately, I felt a little guilty for what I'd said, but only for a moment. Maybe I could get some work done now, before one of my underlings screwed something else up, or some new alien race decided they had to try blowing up the city. Then it would be the Miracle Man and the Annoying Fly boy to the rescue once again. Aided by Conan and Xena, of course. Somebody had to do the hand to hand fighting. I bruised way too easily.

Five minutes later, I had just begun to reconstruct my work when I heard the door behind me slide open.

_I knew it was too good to last._

With a long-suffering sigh, I turned... and confronted the most dangerous thing in all of Atlantis.

An angry Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard.

* * *

John's POV

It had actually started out as a pleasant day. For the first time in two weeks, I was feeling reasonably human. I had been out of the infirmary for two days now, and spent most of that time obediently resting in my room. This morning it hadn't taken long for me to get bored, so I decided to crash my team leader's meeting, which was being chaired by Major Marcus Lorne, my second in command, while I was once again on medical leave. As long as I didn't _look_ like I was about to fall on my face with the slightest breeze, the man wouldn't rat me out to the Scottish Dictator in the Infirmary.

_So next time don't get yourself punctured by a madman._

Sounded a lot easier than it actually was, since I hadn't asked for the mess in the first place. The man had apparently hunted me for over ten years before finally cornering me here on Atlantis. He had cracked two ribs, given me a concussion, a bone bruise on my leg, and put both a bullet and a knife into my left shoulder. Everything had healed now, except the shoulder, which was really starting to irritate me. I'm not the type to take well to idle down time, especially when I had ten thousand things that needed to be done. Like checking in with my team leads.

I had sat down, to the knowing looks of several, and the amused wink of Lorne, and settled in to listen. That was when the headache hit, and the entire damned room started spinning. Quietly, I closed my eyes and dropped my head, willing it to stop long enough for me to escape the room. It took a minute, but during a lull, I got up, trying to appear as casual as possible. Must not have worked too well because I heard someone follow me into the hall and halt beside me where I stood, letting the corridor wall hold me up.

"Sir? Do you need me to page Doctor Beckett? You just turned as white as a pair of dress gloves." Lorne, sounding genuinely concerned.

"No, I'm good. This'll pass in a minute. Allie's a little upset again."

That got an understanding nod. "She's a good kid."

"Yeah. Go back to the meeting, Marcus. I'll go deal with this and grab your report after."

"Mmmhmm. Sure you don't want me to stay with you, sir? You _really _don't look good."

I gave him an exasperated eye roll, which he rightly took to be a dismissal. Ever since Allie's occasional lapses of control had caused me to have physical reactions, everybody seemed to think I needed to be wrapped in cotton like spun glass. If I hadn't snuck out of my room this morning, I would no doubt have had an escort of Teyla, Ronon, Elizabeth, Carson, or Rodney, any combination of them or all of the above. Yet another thing that had me ready to swing one-handed from the rafters. Grounding myself, and firmly swallowing against my rebelling stomach, I walked down the hall to my office, flipping on my new laptop as soon as I sat down.

"Okay, kiddo, what's wrong?"

As soon as I said that, a wave of anger, guilt, sorrow washed through me, and my vision tried to gray out. Crap.

"Allie, I need you to calm down. If I land in the infirmary now, Doc'll never let me out. Now, what happened?"

'Dr. Smartypants.'

The first broken sobs sounded in my ears, though there was no one with me physically. It was a peculiarity of my strong ATA gene that I could actually hear the little girl sometimes, not to mention feel her strong emotions. Somehow, I wasn't surprised at the newly revealed source of this latest meltdown. Rodney wasn't high on tact with adults, let alone a child. I knew that there was a lot of tension between the two, but every time I had the leisure to think about addressing the conflict, another crisis just had to erupt. Looked like I couldn't put it off any longer.

"Just what did McKay do this time? I thought I could actually trust you two to play nice since he's still working on repairs. You _do _have a fairly unique perspective on the systems."

'He...he said...'

The broken quality to her voice, echoing the written words, began to alarm me. Whatever had happened seemed to be more then just a misunderstanding or a shouting match. My headache kicked up another notch, too, telling me that I'd better get to the bottom of this soon or I wouldn't be conscious to do so. Closing my eyes, I relaxed back into my chair, doing some calming breathing exercises I had picked up during a recent involuntary six month vacation.

"What happened? It's okay, whatever it is, we'll solve it, I promise."

'He said nooo...bboody wwanted meee heerreee...!'

_Okay, now I'm going to kick him back to Earth without the Daedalus!_

Absolutely furious, I went off in search of the soon to be dead Doctor Rodney McKay, anger doing wonders to clear my head.

* * *

Rodney's POV

You've never seen scary until you've seen a furious John Sheppard bearing down on you. The man made a tornado look tame. It's even worse when you don't have a clue as to why he's coming after you.

"Aren't you supposed to be resting in your room? You look like shit, which, while it is a state I've become accustomed to seeing you in, is not really all that good."

Did I mention that I tend to babble when I get nervous? The last time I had seen my friend this angry, he was putting a knife blade through the offender's back not long after.

"I can't rest, McKay, because I have an innocent little girl _sobbing her heart out _in my head! Now, would you care to tell me _why _I almost passed out in the middle of my team lead meeting because you told Allie _nobody wanted her here!_"

I really can't help saying the first thing that comes to mind sometimes, though I've tried to stop myself more than once. "That twerp _tattled _on me!"

That got me a smack on the back of the head, and not a gentle one either. Even just out of the infirmary, that man is _strong_. I did have the presence of mind not to object further, instead just mutely facing the angry officer as he moved into my lab and sank down on the nearest chair. I could see the beads of sweat breaking out on his forehead. Stubborn idiot. He was going to faint in front of me because of that girl. Which was one of the real reasons I didn't like the brat. I have a thing about people hurting my friends.

"What the hell were you _thinking, _McKay? You don't say something like that to a _kid_!"

I stared at him in shock for a long moment, tempted to actually tell him the truth. Not that it would do any good. When it came to friends, and loyalty, the man only saw what he wanted to see, much like myself when it came to science. The difference was my blinders had been ripped away when my own arrogance had almost gotten us both killed, not to mention destroyed three-quarters of a solar system. His had just gotten thicker. Instead, I settled for the response that I knew he expected.

"Your little friend was getting in my way. _I've _been trying to repair all the damage that maniac did when he became obsessed with you! Which is...disturbing on several levels in and of itself. I don't have _time _to be _debating _everything with some stupid kid!"

That got an exasperated eye role. I noted, however, that his face had gone about as white as the sling cradling his left arm. No, now was definitely not the time to get into this, even _I _could see _that_. Especially not where certain small ears were able to listen in. Better to let him think this was just me not liking a child.

"McKay..." He drawled my name in that tone he got when he thought I was being extremely stupid. "She's _part _of the city you're trying to repair! Don't you think a computer _might _know something about the systems she can control?"

_Damn it, he actually has a point!_

But then, computers aren't supposed to act like children and throw temper tantrums. Computers are logical, predictable, dependable, and do exactly what they are commanded to do. Allie was the polar opposite of all those things, and driving me absolutely crazy.

"Fine. You tell her to keep her opinions to herself unless I ask for them and don't throw a snit fit if I don't agree!" I switched my focus to the ceiling. "You hear that? No tantrums! If you want to work with an adult, _act _like an adult!"

Sheppard's face tightened again, eyes flashing angrily at my demands, but I quickly turned back to my work, hoping the colonel would leave. Preferably back to his quarters to lay down before he collapsed. There were several minutes of silence before I heard him slowly get up, not quite able to suppress the low moan of pain. _That _sent a jolt of fear and worry through me.

As a rule, John Sheppard doesn't show he's in pain if he can possibly help it. I'd seen him shrug off a bullet wound and being thrown multiple times by a Wraith with a cocky 'I'm good'. Carson had once speculated within my hearing that the man could probably break a bone and not even feel it, not know he was injured, because his pain threshold would kick in, masking it. I couldn't comprehend _that._ How could someone unconsciously shut off pain to that degree? I'd broken bones before, and they _hurt_! That he was feeling it enough now to moan, even if the stubborn idiot would never admit it, was a pretty bad sign.

His voice came from behind me, sounding utterly exhausted. "Just...try not to kill each other for a while, okay?"

As soon as I heard the door close, I sat back.

"If you're the one causing him that much pain, I'll find a way to knock your sorry little behind!" I hissed, hoping Allie was present for once. "Make yourself useful and tell Dr. Weir that someone needs to check on Colonel Sheppard. And no more arguing with me!"

'You started it, Dr. Smartypants.'

"Did not!"

'Did so!'

"Did not!"

'Did so!'

"Did- What the hell am I doing, sitting here arguing with a computer! Leave him alone! That's an order!"

Nothing further appeared on the screen and I sat back, smug. Computers are programmed to do what you tell them to. End of story.

All the power went out in my lab, leaving my sitting in complete darkness.

_I hate kids!_

_TBC..._

A/N: The speculation on John's pain threshold is based on fact- by personal experience. I actually have broken bones twice without even knowing it because it was masked by my high threshold, which is about the same level that John's supposedly is (according to Carson in _Conversion_).


	2. Chapter 2

**The Education of Rodney McKay**

Chapter 2: Hiding in the Shadows

John's POV

Normally, the balconies of Atlantis are a refuge for me. A calming, peaceful place where I can shed the burdens of being Colonel Sheppard for a few minutes. Not today.

Today, every wave seemed filled with frustration, slamming futilely against the piers. Each breeze echoed angry words, sobs. Even the railing fit into my mood, symbolizing the problems I had, the barrier erected by my own weakness and injuries, keeping me from facing whatever was really wrong.

I'd seen the hesitation before McKay's answers, heard the faint sharp edge to his voice that told me he was hiding something. Now, Allie was blocking me too. She was refusing to pull close enough for me to even get that vague sense her presence, let alone feel her emotions. Which, for a kid who normally had major trouble keeping herself from pulling _too _close, was not good. When I'd returned to my office after leaving Rodney's lab, she wouldn't even answer me on the computer screen. Her only answer to any question or appeal for her to talk to me was one word.

'No.'

I just didn't understand what was going on between them. By all logic that I could think of, the two _should _have gotten along great- sentient computer to computer scientist. Allie could ferret out information in the Ancient database, which she could freely access, much faster and easier than we could most of the time. McKay loved having an audience who actually understood his work, too, but wasn't an intellectual challenger. It _should _have been a solid friendship.

Instead, the fights were escalating, and so were my headaches.

"Sheppard. You shouldn't be out here alone."

Great. My latest babysitter had found me. I needed to find some new retreats.

"Ronon." I greeted the large Satedan dryly as he took up a spot leaning on the railing next to me. "Which one of them sent you this time? Doc? Elizabeth? Teyla?"

"They were worried."

'They'. Well, that told me all I needed to know. It was the gang approach today.

"I'm _fine,_ just got bored and needed a little air."

A grunt. "That's not what we were told."

I let out a long sigh, resisting the urge to snap. It apparently wasn't bad enough that the two of them had to drive me nuts with their quarreling. Now they had to send watchdogs after me!

"McKay and Allie finally blew up at each other, and I got caught right in the middle. I'm trying to resist the temptation to put a boot in _both _their backsides, that's all. I need some time alone to cool off."

_In other words, my friend, I appreciate it but go away._

One trait I was deeply thankful for in Ronon was that he didn't push. Maybe it was spending all that time on the run, by himself, but something made him very attuned to the need for solitude. Instead of refusing to leave or badgering me, he simply clapped me on the right shoulder and left. Fortunately, he was already clicking on his com to report to whoever had sent him and didn't hear my sharp intake of breath as his parting gesture jarred my much abused left shoulder. That man is _strong!_

I knew I should go in, lay down for a while, even find the pain killers Carson had prescribed. Not that I _wanted _to. I hated the things. They made me feel disconnected, spacey, something that no pilot, and no military man, was ever comfortable being, but I knew I was hurting enough now that I actually needed them. When I felt pain, it was usually time to pay attention. If I laid down for a while, slept, maybe I could forget the two children and their bickering.

_I hate being injured!_

Instead, I found myself wandering the city aimlessly, too physically restless to think of settling down. I preferred to run to clear my head, but that just wasn't possible in my present condition. I may push, but I know where my limits are, in spite of Carson's fussing. I needed to be active, to think, decide what to do about the whole mess. I knew I couldn't leave them alone to work it out, either. If both of them were still avoiding me tomorrow, I would enlist some help.

Elizabeth would be the best choice to talk to Allie. I had noted the girl picking up on and mimicking some of the expedition leader's mannerisms, which would make Elizabeth a trusted authority figure to her. Maybe she could get some answers where Allie was stonewalling me. It couldn't hurt to have Carson talk to her, either. Allie liked the doctor, if for no other reason then that the man took care of _me_, and he had the second strongest ATA gene in the city.

Now Rodney... he was a little harder. Maybe send Ronon and Teyla? There wasn't anyplace on Atlantis where the former Runner couldn't find the scientist sooner or later. McKay was lousy at keeping things inside, too. Whatever was bugging him so badly that he tried to hide it from me, our team mates would be the others he would be most likely to trust with it. The two often had the ideal combination of sympathy and intimidation to open McKay's talk valve, too.

Feeling slightly more relaxed with a definite plan of action in mind, I looked around in surprise to find myself on a balcony at the far end of the city. Not far from the spot where Bryan, the madman who injured me, and I had our confrontation, in fact. I winced. Yet another problem I'd been avoiding dealing with. Elizabeth was still feeling very guilty over actually firing a gun at the guy, wounding him. Since a short talk we had in the infirmary, though, we had both carefully danced around the topic. Sooner or later, I really had to sit down with her and talk it out, especially since she had shot defending me. I simply didn't feel up to it.

_Something for tomorrow, John. You really do need to go find those pain killers now._

With one more long, exhausted sigh at the truth I'd just admitted to myself, I turned to head back inside. That was the last thing I remembered for quite some time.

Rodney's POV

It was a little more than an hour after the colonel left before the door to my lab opened once again. It had taken me half that time to track down what the little brat had done to cut off the power to my lab. _After _I found another lab _with _power, of course. Not the easiest thing to do with all the repairs yet to be completed, or even started in too many cases. Stupid virus. Now, I had settled in, and what happens? Yet another interruption. It almost made me miss Russia.

_Am I ever going to be allowed to get some work done!_

"What!" I snapped, not bothering to look up. I really should have. It might have saved me another headache.

"I don't know, Rodney, why don't you tell me?"

Crap. Elizabeth. Quickly, I spun around to face her. She was furious, too. One look at the crossed arms, tight lips, and flashing eyes told me that. I decided playing ignorant was the best choice.

"Tell you what? I'm getting systems up as fast as I can, but the damage was massive. Not to mention the fact that I can't seem to get more than a half an hour of work done without _someone interrupting me_!"

She didn't bat an eyelash at my tirade. "And that would be why a message suddenly appeared on my computer saying someone needed to check on Colonel Sheppard? Either you and he had a fight or you and Allie had a fight and drew him into the middle. Which is it, Rodney?"

I was really beginning to hate that child. She'd actually done what I told her to.

"She and I got into a spat over the power distribution systems, and I yelled at her a bit. I don't have time to be entertaining a child! Especially that one!"

I really needed to learn when to keep my mouth shut.

An eyebrow went up. "Why Allie especially? I would think that she would actually be _easier_ for you to relate to then other children."

"Elizabeth...I really don't want to get into this right now. I have a lot of work to do-"

"Rodney..." It was rather amazing how many different emotions people could convey with how they said my name. This time it was chiding, exasperated, and demanding. "John's right, you're a lousy liar. What's really going on?"

She had me in a corner and she knew it. There are times I really hate the fact that Elizabeth is so good at reading people. If this was what she was like as a negotiator, I pitied the poor fools who sat across from her, even Cowen. Unfortunately, that fool was currently _me._ Time to try tactic number two- be obnoxious.

"Look- I'm swamped, exhausted, and very close to a full meltdown and its barely past noon, so just _leave _me _alone_!"

I could literally feel my face turning red as I spat that out, then resolutely turned my back on her, hoping to repeat the maneuver that had successfully driven off Sheppard earlier. For all my vaunted intelligence, I could be really _stupid_ sometimes.

"Doctor McKay." Elizabeth's tone made Antarctica seem warm. "I _will _require an answer from you. What, exactly, happened?"

_Good one, Rodney. Now you **really **put your foot in it!_

"That pile of microchips messed with my work, I yelled, she went whining to Sheppard, and gave him another headache. That just made me madder, so I yelled some more. Brat cut the power to my lab. Happy?" I paused for an instant, but continued before she could proceed with any more icy blasts. "You should see Sheppard, though. Elizabeth, he looks worse than he did before Carson released him, and _she's _responsible! He's going to collapse!"

Well, she _had _asked for the truth. I watched as the meaning behind my words hit home and she visibly struggled to control her temper, a battle I had been losing all too frequently lately. And Samantha Carter wasn't even in the same galaxy.

"Rodney..." She ground out my name from between clenched teeth. "Allie is a _child_. She's still _learning._ Yes, she's made mistakes, some of which have hurt people, but she's recognized that and corrected them where she could. It's called being human and getting second chances. _You_ should be rather familiar with the concepts from recent experience!"

"Oh, now _that_ was a low blow! Thank you very much! _Yes, _I know humans make mistakes, and that's my point! _Humans! She's _not human! Computers don't make mistakes unless _programmed _to do so! This self-proclaimed _kid_ shows up, reeks havoc with Sheppard's mind, causes him to physically collapse multiple times, says she's sorry, and everyone's _okay with that_! And why a child, hmmm? It's a _computer_, it already knows everything it needs to! What's less suspicious to most people than a snot-nosed twerp?"

My tirade suddenly wound down and I slumped back onto my stool, jaw clenched, waiting. I had finally said what no one wanted to hear, and I didn't think that the reaction was going to be very pleasant. Surprisingly, we were no longer alone in the room, either. Sometime during my little spat, Carson, Ronon, and Teyla had all come in, unnoticed, and were now clustered around my work bench, staring at me in shock.

_Great. This day just gets better and better._

"Do you really believe Allie could be trying to deliberately hurt John?"

Teyla's eyes were wide, horrified, as she asked that, and I thought I saw the sheen of tears. That jolted me to an abrupt halt before I could start up again. I started stammering slightly, suddenly unsure. "I... Well, she... Damn it! Doesn't anyone else find it a little too convenient that _she _appears right after two known intrusions into the system? And that the first thing _she_ does is attach herself to our military commander?"

_That _one got to all of them, finally. At least I didn't immediately get shouted down. Even Elizabeth blanched, and Carson looked slightly pained. Not a good look for him, really.

"All right, you _may _have a point. Its time to ask a few questions of Allie, before Earth does. _But_... that doesn't mean I see any reason to distrust the girl. As for why she's a child...Rodney, think about it. Computers are programmed, as you said, they don't feel emotion. What happens when one suddenly does?" Elizabeth gazed at me pointedly, her question proving that the woman was often more computer savvy than I gave her credit for.

Carson jumped in before I could manage to say anything, though.

"The lass had ta learn how ta deal with them, just as a human does, startin' as a wee babe! _That's _why we had all those weird problems just after the siege, isna it? She was a babe not understandin' what was goin' on!"

I refused to look at any of them for a long moment. Few things annoy me more than Carson when he's right about something that, to paraphrase what he said not long ago, wasn't part of his department, but me being stupid _and _Carson being right was one of them. Damn the sheep herding voodoo master! If the malfunctions at the time _had _been more than yet another set of hasty repairs leaking, then... Well, that was well before either of the two saboteurs were around, and the brat might actually be telling the truth. Headache city for me, especially when John found out. This whole mess was going to end up giving me a stroke! At that, I began running through warning signs in my head.

Headache? Definitely yes. Dizziness? No. Fatigue? Yes. Numbness or weakness in any extremity? No...

The deep rumble of my most recent team mate interrupted my internal checklist, obviously answering a question from Elizabeth that I hadn't heard.

"Sheppard was out on one of the balconies. Seemed fine, just tired. Doc thought it was okay to leave him be for now."

"Aye. I saw him not long after headed down a corridor that led to his quarters, lookin' pretty tired. He seemed to be steady on his feet, though, so I didna say anythin' to him. An' I dunna want anyone disturbin' his rest, includin' you, Rodney!"

Carson glared at me, and I bit back a sharp retort, a wave of guilt washing through me. By arguing with the twerp, who thankfully didn't seem to be around at the moment, I'd probably just added to my friend's stress, even if it was _her _doing the damage. Especially if Carson and Elizabeth were right, and the brat really couldn't control her emotions. Not that I was willing to concede the point yet, not by a long shot. My theory stood until I saw _solid_ evidence disproving it. I had a sneaking hunch that for once the military at the SGC and I would agree on that, too, when they were finally told.

"Now _that's _a scary thought!" I murmured, slightly bemused.

"What?" Carson raised an eyebrow at me. "That Colonel Sheppard might actually be doin' what I told him to even though he's startin' to feel a little better? Aye, it is."

I blinked, then stared at Carson silently for a minute before realizing that he was still back on his last comment.

"What? No. I mean, yes, but that's not what I...Oh, never mind!"

Elizabeth's eyebrow joined Carson's while Teyla and Ronon just looked slightly exasperated with me, a condition I was provoking in more people than usual today. Than the expedition leader fixed me with that penetrating gaze that told me quite clearly that she hadn't forgotten what was at the bottom of all this, and definitely wasn't through with me yet. As Sheppard was so fond of saying, crapola.

"Rodney, I-"

"Unscheduled off-world activation! Dr. Weir and Major Lorne, please report to the Control Room!"

Saved by the com. The message sent all of them scrambling, finally leaving me in peace to try continuing the repairs. Not that it would last long if something nasty came through the Stargate, which happened with an appalling regularity around here.

After fifteen minutes without a frantic summons, I relaxed, enjoying the lovely quiet, and turned my attention back to the repairs. Soon, I was completely absorbed, not noting the passage of time or the unusual continued absence of a certain nosy little irritant.

I really wished I would have. It might have saved us all a lot of grief.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This one is being a real pain, especially since another story unrelated to my others won't leave me alone. So... I'm going to try working on both! Thanks so much to my readers, especially those of you who leave a review! It's because of you that I keep writing, and oh what fun it is!

Chapter 3: Headaches Always Come in Twos Rodney's POV

"Rodney!"

I sat up with a gasp, jerking away from whoever held my shoulder- and promptly landed on my ass on the floor of my lab. Not my recommended way of waking up. Atlantis better be about to explode or somebody was going to wish they'd never heard of the Pegasus Galaxy! For a long moment, I just laid there, trying to decide what I'd broken.

_I wonder if someone really **can **be scared to death?_

"McKay. You seen Sheppard since yesterday morning?" The question came from behind me, though the Satedan's meaning didn't exactly register as Teyla gave me a hand up.

"I _am _sorry, Rodney. I had not realized you would startle so badly." Teyla actually looked contrite about it, which was better then the amused grin I received from Ronon.

"Great. What did you _think_ would happen, waking someone from a sound sleep!" Normally, I really like Teyla, and go out of my way to be passingly nice to her. I don't do polite well at the best of times, however, and now _definitely_ didn't qualify. "What the hell time is it, anyway? Don't you people ever _sleep_?"

Stupid question when I was the one who had fallen asleep at his work station, but hey, why should I pass up a good gripe? Especially when Sheppard isn't around to shoot back. Come to think of it, where _was _he? It was usually the colonel bugging me about now, not his two sidekicks.

"0730." Ronon grunted, scowling at me. I'd noticed over the months that he'd been with us that a sour gaze was his habitual continence.

I blinked again, forcing my sluggish mind to convert the military terminology into something that would make sense to the ordinary human. Those of us who _don't _feel the need to blow things up all the time. It was a little disconcerting how quickly this very alien man had picked up on so many of Sheppard's little expressions, especially the military ones. Aliens were _supposed _to be... well, _alien_. Then my brain decided to work again.

"7:30 in the _morning_! What could you _possibly_ want at such an _atrocious _hour? Go bother Sheppard, he's actually functional this early!"

With a disgusted grunt, I waved them off, turning back to my computer, only to be stopped by a very large, very strong hand on my shoulder. I was spun forcibly around to once again face my team mates, and Ronon was _almost _treated to a review of my late night snack. I _really_ wasn't awake, or the seriousness of his tone, and that the two of them came to _me_, would have registered. Despite my occasional snide comments, I really had a great deal of respect for my team mates. With just these two alone, there wasn't much short of an army that they couldn't handle. Add Sheppard's military genius and my brilliance... well, I think Dr. Biro would classify ticking us off as 'suicide' on the death certificate. To have Teyla and Ronon _here_, _without _Sheppard, meant that something was seriously off kilter.

"Please focus, Rodney." Teyla's large eyes met mine, filled with a mixture of irritation and deep concern, almost fear. "Have you seen Colonel Sheppard since yesterday morning?"

_Uh Oh. Not good._

The last time that Sheppard had vanished while on base resulted in the injuries he was still recovering from. Not to mention giving me an anxiety attack trying to figure out what had happened to him and the others with him. _And _all the damage to Atlantis.

"Not since he left here, before I talked to all of you. I thought Carson said he was resting in his quarters. Didn't anybody think to actually _check_! Of all the stupid-!"

I couldn't believe that mother hen Beckett wouldn't have looked in on his most frequent patient! I mean, I tease the guy unmercifully about getting his medical degree treating sheep, but the truth is the man is a _damn_ good doctor. What the hell was falling apart now?

"Doctor Beckett was in emergency surgery for a young marine for many hours. He was exhausted, and did not think to ensure that one of the others had checked on the colonel as he instructed them." Teyla sounded disgusted.

No doubt of how Carson would feel about _that _little slip-up on the part of his staff. The man was probably doing an exceptional imitation of a volcano at the moment.

"John is not answering his door, and it is locked. Doctor Beckett and Major Lorne are currently checking the colonel's normal 'haunts'. Can you not open his door for us in some way?"

It was more of a statement then a request. The tone of Teyla's voice said she knew very well that I could open anything I wanted to around here, given enough time.

"Wait a minute! Why didn't you just ask that pint-sized trouble maker? It would have been faster than scaring the _hell _outta me!"

Despite how it sounded, I really was concerned only with getting Sheppard's door open at the moment. The brat really _would _be faster. With a grimace for that thought, I led them out the door at a fast trot. Ronon's scowl deepened, if that were possible, the lanky former Runner easily keeping pace beside me. His eyes flashed in anger.

"The small one had spoken to no one since you ran your mouth off yesterday, McKay."

_Sooo not good._

Now I was almost running. If Allie had withdrawn, John could be in serious trouble and no one would even know about it until it was too late. Damn that girl! Why couldn't she just- What? Not do exactly what I myself had been doing since yesterday morning by burying myself in my work? Once again, the child had actually done what I told her to, and this time it was myself I could clobber across the galaxy. If anything happened to John as a result, I'd never forgive myself.

Precious minutes later, I skidded to a halt in front of his quarters, taking less than another minute to have the thing open, half afraid of what we might find inside. Unfortunately, it was nothing. The quarters were vacant, as neat as John always left them, with only a book laying open on his made bed looking the least bit out of place. Absently, I noted that it was not the one he'd been slowly working his way through in the last two years. Instead, this one was about child psychology. Shit. No doubt why he had _that_... and whose fault it was. Suspicions or not, I had some apologies to make. If we could _find _either one of them. As for that...

"Allie! If you can hear me, please respond! I won't yell, I promise. John's missing, and we don't have internal sensors back on line yet. I..." Just say it and get it over with, Rodney. "I need... your...well, help."

Relax the jaw muscle, unclench the teeth, don't bite the tongue... Good job, Rodney. She was still a brat, especially since the screen of Sheppard's laptop, sitting open on the desk, remained stubbornly blank.

"Perhaps she did not hear you. Allie, it is Teyla. Colonel Sheppard is missing and we need your help. Will you not answer me?"

Good try, but no twerp. Maybe it wasn't just me this time.

"Is there still no sign o' either of them, then?" A huffing and puffing voice sounded just behind me, and I was once again attempting to get acquainted with the rafters. Or what passed as rafters on Atlantis.

"Carson!" I hissed, pinning the physician with a murderous glare. Which he returned full measure. Oops.

"This is partly your bloody fault, ya daft idiot! What possessed ya, yellin' at the wee one an' upsettin' the colonel when he's barely out of the infirmary!"

Some piping hot lava was definitely left over from what he'd spat at his staff. I couldn't argue with him, either, as I felt guiltier by the moment. My head dropped in silent answer, and he sighed, resting one hand reassuringly on my shoulder for a moment.

"We'll find him, don't you worry."

I sank down onto his bed. "Hope your right, Carson. I don't think he even slept here last night. We should probably-"

This was not my day for completing sentences. This time I was interrupted by the hasty entrance of Elizabeth, looking about as frantic as I felt.

"Good, you're all here. Major Lorne is breaking out the life signs detectors and dividing the sections of the city for the search parties. I told him that we would form one of them." At the immediate nods from all of us, she waved us out of the room. "A marine will be stationed here in case he returns. We're to meet and divide after everyone grabs gear in the Control Tower."

All I knew was that Sheppard better be alive when we found him or I would kill him myself! And as for the little squirt... My head throbbed at that.

_Why do headaches always come in twos?_

_TBC..._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Lessons in Being Human Allie's POV

I was hiding in my favorite little corner of the Atlantis central computer, trying very hard to stop crying. I was so tired of the effort everything took to do because of the damage that Atlantis had recently sustained. Every time the virus had caused another system to short circuit and I was around, it _hurt. _Then, the funny doctor, Mr. Zelenka, had finally gotten rid of the pesky thing, and the repairs had a long last begun. Everything had actually seemed to be going quite well, then _he _had started to yell. I don't like _him, _even if he _is _a member of SGA-1, and a good friend of John's. He's rude, obnoxious, mean to everyone around him, and thinks he knows everything. I had tried _really hard_ to be nice, too, 'cause John said I should, but _he's _just a mean old man. I found a story in one of the computers that fit Dr. Smartypants exactly. He was a _Grinch_! I just wish I could figure out how to make him grow a heart. There must be something in the Database somewhere...

What if he was right, though? What if I really was hurting John? I had heard the doctor worrying about the effects that I had on him when I lost control before. I couldn't stand it if I kept hurting him, so here I was, hiding. It was actually pretty easy to do at the moment, since so many systems were still down. Instead of hearing bits and pieces from everywhere, I could only focus on one pathway at a time, hearing and seeing the activity in a very limited section of the city. That made it simple for me to just stay here and ignore everyone.

_I love him, I don't want to go back to being alone!_

Tears sliding down my cheeks again, I buried my face into my knees, biting back a scream of anger. Why did this have to be so hard! All I wanted was to be loved, to be _human_. Instead, everybody was so suspicious, so angry! I _heard _ Dr. Weir say she didn't really know if they could trust me! My sobs just came harder and harder.

"Why don't they... they like me!" I wailed, a little surprised by the sound of my own voice, strangled and hoarse. "What if I really _am _hurting him!"

I _knew_, then, what I had to do, what John would do if he were in my place. He had taught me... so when I heard him calling me, pleading with me to answer him, I sent only one word.

"No."

_I have to do this, I have to... Friends, family, don't hurt each other, that's what he said. They do what they have to, even when its really scary and hurts lots._

Slowly, painfully, piece by piece, I put up a wall between us. I didn't want to. It just wasn't _fair!_ Angry now, I sat down against my wall with a pout.

Maybe I should shut the door to his bathroom in his face the next time he has to go? No, too easy...

Crash his computer? Nope, I'd already turned all the power off to his lab. Meany.

Ooh...I knew. Give Mr. Zelenka some help with whatever they were working on, then make sure Dr. Smartypants' computer had the wrong data! He'd look pretty stupid! Now, how could I-

I felt it then, the power surging through Atlantis wildly, a massive burst headed straight for my isolated little corner of the core. With horror, I jolted to my feet, but I knew I was already too late. Pain ran through me, and as I began to black out, I saw the power go straight through my carefully built wall and down the connection from me to John.

Rodney's POV...

With one last glance at the computer sitting dark on John's desk, I headed after my team mates, only to be stopped by a soft beep. Turning sharply, I looked around, but nothing had changed. Maybe I was hearing things now?

"Rodney!" Teyla's impatient summons started me out of the room once again-

Only to have the door shut in my face. Now I was beyond angry.

"Are you playing _games _with me, you little spoiled rotten excuse for a sentient life form!" I screamed at the ceiling. "Sheppard's missing and you're fooling around!"

My radio clicked. "Rodney? What just happened?" Elizabeth.

"_Something_ slammed the door to Sheppard's quarters in my face!" With that sarcastic snarl, I punched at the door release, only to have the thing remain stubbornly in place. "I can't open it from this side!"

I could hear the frustration in Elizabeth's voice as she calmly replied. "All right, hang on. It won't respond from this side either."

With a resigned sigh, I turned to the desk, intending to grab Sheppard's laptop to begin working on the door, only to stop dead in my tracks. Words were slowly forming on the screen, disjointed, flickering.

'No. P. ow. ERSU rg e. jOhn. HeLP.'

_Pow Ersu? What the-! No, that can't be right... First word, power. Power surge?_

"Power surge? Oh, no, this is _not _good! So not good!"

Frantically, I tapped my radio. "Elizabeth! The power surge yesterday! The one those two fumble fingered morons set off in Zelenka's lab! That's what's wrong! I got it, Allie, now open the damn door! We have to find him!"

With a soft sigh, the door slid open and I darted through, crashing headlong into a Satedan road block. Did I ever mention how _solid_ that man is? Someday, I'm going to have to run molecular tests because no human can be that dense! Well, in other parts then the head, anyway... At the moment, I simply bounced off, glaring at him, then at the others standing there staring at me uselessly.

"What are you all standing around here for? We need to find Sheppard, remember? If a power surge went through Allie into him, he could be _dead _by now! Ronon! You're so good at tracking, why aren't you finding him?"

I couldn't help it, I was yelling at them when I really wanted to be chewing myself out. _I _knew that the kid could be hurt by the uncontrolled surges set off yesterday, but I had been too mad at her to bother checking to make sure she was okay. If I had, I might have noticed something was wrong sooner. Some genius I was, leaving my friend God knew where in what horrible condition because I wouldn't look beyond my own nose! Carson was right, I was an idiot with the personal skills of a rattlesnake. Someone got too close and I bit them. Why, oh why couldn't people be like computers, nice and predictable? Dealing with human emotions was so...messy. Why would a nice computer like Allie ever want to take on h_umanity_? It just didn't make any sense.

TBC Sooner than this last segment, I promise! All I can say is RL got REAL messy for awhile! To all who've faithfully been reading, my heartfelt thanks and apologies! Pyro.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Meeting of Minds

Rodney's POV

Two endless hours later, we were still searching, which was definitely not a good sign. Neither was the silence from a certain pint-sized trouble magnet. All I wanted at this point was for one or both of them to figure out how to go one week, just _one, _without causing nine kinds of trouble and giving me a migraine. I mean, really, was that too much to ask? Only one crisis at a time? Even geniuses have their limits, after all.

Currently, I was trailing behind our little group of Ronon, Teyla, Elizabeth, and Carson, pecking away at my PC tablet, trying to fix the internal sensors. Radek was in the Control Room coordinating the search parties, as well as working the problem from his end, not that either of us were having much luck.

"McKay!"

Ronon's low rumble brought my head up to see my companions stopped by yet another door that was currently without power.

"Again! At this rate, Sheppard'll be dead of old age before we find him!"

With an exasperated glare, I shouldered my team mate aside, not caring if I were once again being rude. The unrepaired damages to Atlantis were causing major delays for all the search parties, and I couldn't shake the dreadful feeling that it would result in us being too late. No matter how insane the man drove me, I couldn't imagine the city without that cocky, devil-may-care fly boy.

_If he has the gall to be dead, I'll find a way to bring him back so I can kill him myself!_

Frowning, I bent over the door controls, examining the configuration of the crystals. Just as I was about to connect my tablet in, though, the power came on, showering me with sparks. With a yelp, I leaped back, cursing as my com came on.

"Rodney, power should be on in your section now, yes?"

Radek, with his usual impeccable timing.

"Damn it, you almost electrocuted me, you Czech menace! If you fry me, then where will Atlantis be?"

"A great deal quieter and more sane?" My second shot back at me, irritation making his accent thicker than usual. "The door is open, yes?"

"Yes!"

"What is problem, then? Stop the yelling and start the finding of Colonel Sheppard!"

With that, Radek clicked off, leaving me to the impatient looks of my companions. Elizabeth's tight lips said quite clearly that I wasn't the only one whose gut was twisting into a knot over Colonel Murphy's Law. Damn the man.

"Yes, yes, I'm coming. Watch where you put your hands until I get the cover back on this thing."

I was exhausted, worried, irritated, and about to the point where I needed to eat or my hypoglycemia was going to kick in. Maybe that accounts for the brain-dead nature of what I did next. If my underlings find out about it, I'll _never _hear the end of it.

Without thinking, I reached in to grab one of the crystals that was slightly out of place, and the source of the sparks when the power had been restored. Dumb, since I knew it had live current running through it now. Just as I touched it, someone grabbed my shoulder and I heard a loud _snap_. I felt myself flung backwards and detected just the slightest whiff of burned genius in the air as I blacked outWaking up after getting yourself crisped is never pleasant. On the plus side, I could now compare notes on the fine points of being electrocuted with Sam Carter the next time I saw her. Granted, I'd then have to listen to her reminding me that _her _injuries were partially my fault in the first place, never mind that I was only trying to save the world yet again. Some people have no sense of gratitude. With a groan, I realized someone was talking to me... and that I didn't actually hurt anywhere.

_Okay, not hurting and not drugged. Not good._

"-ney? Rodney, can ya hear me?"

_Oh, goody, my favorite practitioner of voodoo! This infirmary bed's awful hard and cold, though!_

"Go away, Carson, I'm too busy dying."

"Yer not dyin', lad, and I'd appreciate a little help figurin' out what just happened! We're in the bloody Control Room an' nobody's here!"

"What!" I sat up in shock, gazing around. "How did we get here? We were just in one of the lower areas of the West section looking for Sheppard!"

_Who did what now!_

My answer was an exasperated Scottish eye roll. "I _know_ that, ya daft bugger! That's why I asked _you_!"

_Whoops! The Scottish volcano is still plenty hot!_

Without answering, I allowed the other man to help me to my feet, his doctoring gaze quickly assessing me for any possible injuries. I could have saved him the trouble by pointing out that I wasn't complaining, but why bother? I was more interested in our surroundings. Everything _looked _normal, with computers sitting open and running, a systems diagnostic pulled up, but there weren't any people.

_Wait a minute! Systems diagnostic?_

Eyes narrowed, I went directly for the desk, tapping away insistently to pull up the portion of the report I wanted.

"Come on, come on...YES! Internal sensors are on-line! Now... No, that can't possibly be right, you stupid thing!" I was muttering to myself when I felt my shoulder grabbed.

"Rodney! What the bloody hell is goin' on?"

_What is it with people and interrupting me lately?_

"This computer is showing all Atlantis' systems up and running, including the sensors, but its not detecting any people." I explained with a disgusted wave back at the offending electronic device. "And-"

This time I was cut off by a muffled cry and a tiny blur hurtling directly at a flabbergasted Carson. On pure instinct, the doctor held out his arms, catching the tiny little girl who flung herself recklessly into him. Immediately, the child buried her head in his shoulder, sobbing, as the Scot tried to sooth her.

"Easy, easy now, lass, its all right. Rodney and I won't be lettin' anythin' hurt you."

I could see my friend's hand gently stroking golden blond hair that tumbled down to just above the bow on the child's pink dress. The problem was I'd never seen the little rug rat before in my life. She certainly wasn't one of the Athosian children, and nobody brought families from Earth...

_It can't be! It isn't possible, is it?_

Carson, meanwhile, had hooked the rolling desk chair with a foot and sank down onto it, rocking slowly back and forth with his armful. Thankfully, his actions were at least lessening the annoying sobbing. I mean, really, is there anything worse than a snot-nosed brat making more snot accompanied by high decibels of noise?

Softly, a tiny voice actually started to speak coherently, albeit accompanied by sniffs.

"J-John's hurt, you h-have ta help h-him! The p-power surge!"

Well, that confirmed my suspicions as to who this was and what was going on. Somehow, Allie had managed to draw both Carson and I into the virtual world that Sheppard had described meeting her in. We were _inside _the computer! A gasp from the doctor drew my attention back to the sitting duo just in time to see the man pale by several shades. I smiled tightly. He'd just figured out at least some of what was going on.

"Are you Allie, then, lass?"

Gold curls bobbed up and down. Much as it pains me to admit it, Sheppard was right, the girl _was _adorable. For a rug rat, anyway. And she just might be able to help me save his bony butt yet again. Feeling the fool, I knelt down in front of the chair.

"Can you tell us where Sheppard _is_?" I asked pointedly, receiving a glare from Carson over the child's head. "What!"

"Don't be mindin' Rodney, lass, he has tha sensitivity of a plateful of haggis. Can ya give us any idea o' where ta look?"

"A plate of _what!_" I couldn't help it. I squeaked.

"Meat stuffed in sheep's intestine. It's a delicacy. I'll have Mum make ya some the next time we're on Earth." Carson calmly answered, causing Allie to giggle.

I could feel the blood draining from my face. "Ah, no, no, that's not necessary, really. That's just... _gross!_" Another giggle, louder this time. "Oh, so glad you find this funny, twerp. May I remind both of you that we were trying to figure out where the hell in this gigantic city Sheppard is _this _time?"

The child abruptly sobered at my sharp rebuke, giving me a sad, serious look. Suddenly, she reminded me strongly of Elizabeth when things were getting truly ugly. A single tear raced down one rosy pink cheek.

"I was afraid I'd keep hurting him, like you said, Dr. McKay, so I made a wall between us. It didn't hold when the power surge went through me, though, and he was hurting before that. I don't know where he was, just that it was on a balcony."

I could have quite cheerfully let Ronon pummel me at that point. If I'd just kept my mouth shut, we'd not only have known something was wrong sooner, Allie'd probably know where he was. Not even _I _ could deny my own eyes. This wasn't some malevolent computer program trying to lull us into security, this was a child just looking for someone to love and accept her.

"I am such a jerk. You should never listen to me about things like that, just ask Carson." Another Scottish eye roll.

Allie, however, was leaning back against Carson, refusing to meet my eyes. "You were right, though. I was hurting him, even though I didn't mean to. I should go away."

"Ach, lass, no! That's no kind o' answer! We all hurt the ones we love sometimes, its part of being human! We make mistakes and we learn from them! Look at what happened with the retrovirus. I almost killed the colonel, but he doesna blame or hate me. Can ya touch him now at all, find out where he is?"

_Well, duh! Some genius I am not to have thought of that!_

Blond curls were violently whipping back and forth, though, and she quickly leaped down from Carson's lap, backpedaling from us.

"NO! No, no, no, no. I won't hurt him again, I won't! He's my daddy, an' you don't hurt your family, even if that means ya have ta go away!"

_Oh, crap. Where are Elizabeth and Teyla when I need them? I suck at the whole emotions thing. One thing I do know, though..._

Slowly, I sank down until I was seated cross legged on the floor.

"Allie, listen... I'm not good at this kind of thing, you've heard that. One thing that John Sheppard and the others on this expedition have taught me, though, is that its worth the risk." I paused, trying to decide how to say this without tangling Allie and myself both hopelessly up. "People mean that sometimes you're going to hurt, or cause pain to someone else, but _not _being around people, closing yourself off completely... That hurts worse. I think that Sheppard would tell you that if it were a choice between no pain and no you or you and the risk of some pain occasionally, well, he'd take the risk and you any time."

"Aye. Rodney's right, for once. He'd choose ya every time, lassie. Now ya need ta choose him in return. Open that channel back up. Can ya do that?"

A hesitant nod, bright blue eyes wide, then- she was gone. Just blinked out, leaving me with one enraged Highlander. Thankfully sans the sword. Not that he really needed one, since his tongue was as sharp as a razor.

"Ya bloody ignorant idiot! Daft bugger! Where'd ya learn how ta deal with people? A bloody institution! How could ya tell a child that she should cut herself off from the man she saw as a father? That's just bloody cruel! That's-"

"Damn it, Carson, don't you think I know that! I didn't mean- I didn't think-"

"Aye, ya bloody well _didn't _think, did ya? Rodney-"

"He's on the balcony near where you and he and Dr. Weir faced the bad man! He's really, really cold and hurting a lot! Please, go help him!" Allie's abrupt reappearance and words brought us both around. Before either of us could utter a word, though, the scene around us began to gray out.

TBC...

A/N Well, now they know where he is, and get to go pick up the pieces!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Lessons in Pain

Rodney's POV

This time the return to consciousness really hurt. Slowly, the burning pain localized itself in my left hand and arm. Crap. Who tried to kill me this time, and what did Sheppard say that made them want to? My cotton-stuffed brain didn't seem up to giving me an answer, so I just laid there instead, fervently wishing Carson and his drugs would appear. Not that I'd managed to force my eyes open to check, but if he _was _here, and leaving me in this much pain, he and I were going to have a _serious_ discussion about ethics.

_There's something else, something important..._

Beyond the pain, hearing was the first thing to return, and I almost wished it hadn't.

"I'm bloody _fine_, now let me up so I can check on Rodney! An' send help to the balcony closest to where we tangled with that bloody madman! The wee lass said that's where the colonel's at!"

_Well, Carson's temper certainly hasn't improved any! Wait a minute-_

"Sheppard!"

Adrenaline shot through my system, lending me the strength to try sitting up despite the pain. Hands immediately grabbed my shoulders, restraining, pushing me back down. Finally, I forced my eyes open, meeting Teyla's concerned gaze.

"It is all right, Rodney. Ronon has already gone and Major Lorne's team is headed there as well. You must lie still until the medical team arrives."

Being told I couldn't do anything was _not _what I wanted to hear at the moment. Visions of John lying there bleeding from all manner of bad places danced in my head.

"What if they can't get to him? What if-"

"That's enough, Rodney! Ya need ta rest! Your free ride to the infirmary will be here any minute."

Carson gently moved Teyla so he could take her place next to me. Behind him loomed an anxious Elizabeth, obviously having lost her argument to keep the Scot in a position similar to my own. With a featherlight touch that none-the-less left me gasping with renewed pain, Carson began to examine my left hand. I took one look at it and once again wished for drugs. Loudly.

The whole thing was an appalling cherry red color, topped by faint black marks on my fingers. Blisters were already forming, and the faint scent of burned flesh filled the air. The corridor around me began to tilt and whirl crazily as I fought to draw in a breath. The deep roar of an ocean filled my ears, blocking out the words of those around me. Once again, hands were supporting me, and I vaguely recognized the smell of someone vomiting. A biting acidic taste in my throat and mouth abruptly informed me that the someone was _me._ With that disgusting revelation, I passed out.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John's POV

Consciousness came in very gradual unpleasant stages. The first thing I was really aware of was the cold. It was a biting irritant, gnawing at me until I was forced to take another step up toward awareness. Next came the sound of waves, the soothing lap of water hitting one of Atlantis' piers.

_Did I leave the balcony door open again?_

It was the only reason that I could think of for my room being so damned cold. With a mental grumble at my stupidity, I tried to reach down for my blanket, which is typically crumpled at the base of my bed. At that, several nasty surprises hit me at once.

First and foremost was the _pain_, which was on the same level as what I'd experienced when the overgrown cockroach had been attached to my neck. It rippled through me in fierce, fiery waves, forcing every nerve ending to scream at the assault. I could hear my heart thumping in my ears, my breath hitching at each new attack.

_What the hell did I get into **this **time and what did Rodney do to start it?_

The second thing I realized was that wherever I was, I was definitely _not _in my bed. Whatever I was laying on was smooth, cold, and very, very hard. Also not good.

Unfortunately, I couldn't move, either, no matter how hard I tried. Again. All I could do was lay there, feeling the pain and the cold, my body alternately twitching from the misfiring nerves and shaking from the rapidly lowering temperature.

_Must be night, or nearly so. Somebody must be missing me by now. They'll come, they have to. Where am I, anyway? Think, John!_

Forcing my mind away from the physical, I tried to reconstruct how I'd gotten wherever I was. I had still been on medical leave for the twin stab and bullet wounds in my shoulder...

_Right. McKay and Allie going at each other to the point where I almost passed out in front of my officers. Then Allie refused to talk to me. Wait a second- Allie!_

Desperately latching on to the hope of rescue, I sought the familiar spark of her presence within my mind. She would feel some of the pain I was in if I touched her, but she could also go and alert someone that I once again needed the attention of my favorite doc. Except she wasn't there. Whatever, or _whoever,_ had caused her to block herself off from me, she was still doing it. Great, just peachy. I was on my own.

_It could be worse, John. At least Atlantis' winter nights aren't usually cold enough to actually **kill **you, just make you **wish** you were dead. Not like Antarctica._

With that cheery thought, I felt my awareness slipping again. I knew I shouldn't let myself sleep with possible hypothermia setting in, so I started listing all the prime numbers in my head. Unfortunately, I didn't even make it through the first twenty before I lost my battle with the encroaching darkness.

I don't know how long it was before I woke again. It could have been just minutes or hours, there was no way for me to tell. It was colder, though, and I could now feel a strong wind.

_Come on, guys, where **are **you? Let's not do this whole abandonment thing again. Especially when we haven't even managed to leave the base._

Now, there was a lovely thought. I knew how big this city really was, and if Rodney hadn't managed to fix the sensors yet...

_I'm a dead man._

That jolted me to full consciousness for another long moment, this time in pure shock.

_Somebody kill me now, I'm turning into Rodney!_

On that frightening notion, I drifted off again...

Only to wake to the warmth of sunlight on one leg. Day again. I'd been here the whole blasted night! Once again, I strained to move, hoping for even a tiny improvement, wishing I could scream in pure frustration and anger at the situation I'd found myself in. Unfortunately, all I succeeded in doing was provoking another round of pain waves and accompanying shivers. Damn it.I was going to have to seriously review the security protocols after this was over. I hate losing anyone for _any_ reason, but it happening like this was something I _really_ couldn't stand. Elizabeth and I would be having a long talk about this. If they ever came and found me.

_Okay, now I've had it. First they leave me with the hippies of the Pegasus Galaxy for six months, now they leave me laying somewhere in the city for at least twelve hours! It would almost make a guy feel unwanted!_

"John? I'm gonna get help. Dr. Sm- Dr. McKay and Dr. Beckett are with me. Please, just hold on."

Allie's voice, sounding on the razor's edge of complete panic, echoed in my head. At that moment, it was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard. Before I could even form a coherent reply, she was gone again, but this time I at least knew help would be coming. I was so relieved I resolved not to argue with Carson about when I could get out of the infirmary this time. I wouldn't even try to sneak out early. Well, maybe a _little _early...

On that note, I drifted off once again. I really should have fought harder to stay awake.

After that, I seemed to go in and out for a while. I felt hands lifting me, heard the low rumble of Ronon's voice, though I couldn't seem to make anything coherent out of it. Movement and the squeak of a wheel that needed oiling. I must be on a gurney. Sickbay, here I come, my home away from home... away from Earth. Whatever.

Someone... Someone was shouting. I was being covered in something warm. About time. I was getting sick of shivering. Now, if they could just stop the pain... Suffocating. Pain. Something on my chest, a weight that I couldn't dislodge.

_Help me, dammit! I can't breath!_

I'd had a friend in school with severe asthma, watched her go into attacks that had us calling 911. Afterwards, she told me I could never really understand the numbing fear that came with being unable to breath properly, the uncertainty of when or if it would ever stop. I could now.

Hands pushing, prodding, needles, the cold metal of contacts against my head, something being forced down my throat. I felt it all, but I couldn't open my eyes, or even move a finger to let them know I was awake. Well, some of the time. I was fairly certain I was drifting in and out a lot. Its too easy to fall asleep when your eyes are always closed.

Pain brought me back once more as someone carefully re-dressed my much abused left shoulder. There were more tubes now. I could feel them in places that would have made me squirm with embarrassment and demand they be taken out were I able to. Then there was the tube down my throat, leaving me constantly wanting to gag, but thankfully no longer starving for oxygen. The really scary part, though, was that my body didn't seem to be fighting the thing, wanting to breath on its own. If they hadn't found me...

_Don't go there, John. This isn't the first close call you've had, especially lately._

With an audible _snap_, as if someone had flipped a switch, my hearing came back, sharp and clear. The normal sounds of the infirmary surrounded me, strangely reassuring. The _beep-beep-beep_ of a heart monitor, the steady _snap-hiss_ of the ventilator, the rustle of cotton scrubs as nurses worked near my bed, and the gentle Scottish burr of the man in charge of it all saying two words I never wanted to hear.

"He's dying."

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Rodney's POV

"He's dying."

I stared at Carson in utter shock, unable to believe what I'd just heard. Quickly, I darted a glance at Teyla, Ronon, and Elizabeth, all clustered around my infirmary bed, to see similar incomprehension on their features.

"What!"

Elizabeth's quiet question broke the silence that had descended with the Scot's pronouncement. Even the nurses rechecking the growing number of machines around Sheppard's bed had frozen at the unthinkable words.

"He _can't _be." I whispered, feeling Teyla take my unburned hand, squeezing it in reassurance.

Laying there, my heart sank as I noted my friend's bearing. Carson looked like death warmed over, worse than I was feeling at the moment. His shoulders were hunched, face slack, eyes twin pools of deep, heart wrenching sadness. This wasn't an attitude I'd seen in the usually irrepressible doctor very often, but when I did...

"NO! There _has _to be something you can do, Carson! Some medicine, Ancient treatment, alien gizmo, something!"

_There! Take that! Gloom and Doom McKay is insisting on being optimistic!_

Carson's features grew even sadder, if that were possible, and his eyes gleamed with a hint of pity.

"I wish there were, Rodney, but this is the real world, not some bloody unrealistic science fiction show where everything has ta come out right in an hour or less. The truth is that there is only so much modern medicine can do, even with the technological breakthroughs that have come from off-world. All my scans aren't readin' any higher brain functions, and now his autonomic reflexes are shuttin' down, too. That's why he stopped breathin' early this morning. I can keep his body alive on life support, but we have to face the fact that everythin' makin' him 'John Sheppard' is gone."

"But... What about Allie? Can't she touch him? She told him we were coming to get him, she said she did!" I sounded like a petulant six year old who hadn't had his nap yet, but I just didn't give a damn if anyone got offended right now.

Carson's head dropped and Elizabeth looked quickly away, avoiding my eyes.

"Aye. But she never got a response from him, Rodney, an' she canna get one now. Why do you think I waited so long to talk with all o' you? I was hopin' the wee lass could find _somethin'..._

"Rodney, right now we have to ask ourselves if John would really want to live this way, a vegetable." Elizabeth finally locked gazes with me as she said that, and I saw one tear slide down her cheek.

I stared right back at her, once again wishing I were unable to trust my hearing. "Are you talking about _pulling the plug_! Just like that? Your damn machines say there's no hope so you just-!"

_What the hell is the **matter **with these people? What happened to never giving up on one of our own? How many times have we seen recoveries that shouldn't have been possible?_

"Pull the plug?" Teyla questioned sharply, not familiar with the Earth phrase, though her tone told me she had grasped the essential idea, and was about as taken with it as I was.

Carson heaved another sigh. "Pull the plug means shuttin' off the machines that are keepin' his body alive, love. Lettin' him die because the brain is already dead. Its somethin' no doctor wants to do, but sometimes, well, its kinder."

At those words, Ronon loomed up behind Teyla, a menacing thundercloud ready to let loose. The question was who the lightning was going to hit- me or Carson and Elizabeth.

_This could get ugly._

"No warrior would want to live as a useless shell in a bed."

_Damn. He's taking their side. But I do have one ace left to play..._

"Who _is _Sheppard's next of kin? Don't they have to be the ones to order him taken off the life support?"

That I knew of, the man didn't have any living family, but he also never discussed his life before coming to Atlantis beyond a few jokes. Not unless it was forced out of him, anyway, as with that whole 'Bryan-Brianna-mad genius intent on torturing him' thing. I didn't even know his parents' names or if he had any siblings.

Uh oh. Elizabeth's mouth had thinned into a tight line, and if she didn't quit shaking my bed with her death grip, she was going to receive a review of my breakfast. I guess she hadn't liked my question.

"As you know, Expedition members were given the option of designating someone on Atlantis as next of kin for just this type of situation so they wouldn't be left there if we couldn't contact Earth. Carson asked me to look up John's before I came down, but he didn't leave any instructions for the person he named, should this happen."

"Which means?" I snapped.

I couldn't help it. Elizabeth was falling back on her diplomatic double-speak to get through the situation and it was driving me nuts. I was crabby, in pain, and had been forced to watch from the next bed over as my best friend's condition slowly deteriorated in the twenty-four hours since he had been found. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Once we located him and delivered his scrawny ass into Carson's capable hands, he _should _have gotten _better._ After all, the man had survived being turned into a bug! What was a little hypothermia, exhaustion, and a jolt of electricity compared to having your DNA rearranged? It just wasn't fair.

"It means that tha person on Atlantis who is listed will have ta decide when and if we pull the support. None of us will have a say in the matter unless that person decides we do."

Carson did _not _sound pleased. Just who had the colonel designated, anyway? As if she had read my mind, Elizabeth answered my unspoken question.

"John asked that it be _you,_ Rodney."

Seemed to be my day for imbecilic staring.

_That flippant, annoying, stubborn, too smart for his own good American pain in the ass has done it to me **again!**_

_Just when I think I have him all figured out..._

It was simply too much for me to deal with right now. Pulling my hand loose from Teyla, I carefully rolled onto my side, hiding my face in my arm.

"Just- Just do what you have to to keep him alive for now, Carson." I mumbled.

A gentle hand on my back began to rub soothing circles.

"Aye. Get some rest, lad. Nothing has to be decided immediately. I've just put some medication in your IV that should ease the pain and help you sleep."

Great. Just great. I felt tears pricking my eyes and threatening to fall. Too bad there wasn't a medication to take away the pain of losing a friend.

TBC...

Author's Note: Don't worry, I don't write death fics. Just have your tissue box handy. I can't seem to help these cliff hangers, lately, either...


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Lessons in Life

John's POV

_Where's something to break when you truly need it? Like Kavanaugh and my former CO from Afghanistan? Or former Vice President Kinsey? Or about 100 Wraith?_

To say that I was angry and scared out of my mind would be an understatement. I had just been forced to listen to my friends discussing when they were going to let me die! I can't believe that this could really be happening! What happened to not leaving anyone behind, including not giving up on them? I wouldn't have!

_Didn't you just do so, though, John? You wrote in your report of the whole mess that you didn't think Ford would ever willingly return._

A voice from outside intruded on my self-beratement. "Rodney'll sleep for a while, if any of you want to spend a little time with Colonel Sheppard, say... good-bye."

Carson's voice choked on the last word, and I could hear Elizabeth's soft comforting as she apparently led him away from me. What the hell had happened to Rodney? Touched the wrong gadget without waiting to translate the full instructions again?

_Now what do I do? I haven't heard or felt Allie, if she tried to connect with me. What if they really pull the...! Don't, John. Think! There has to be some way to let them know that their instruments are wrong. You've never given up before, and you're not about to start now!_

A heavy hand on my shoulder diverted me once more to what was occurring outside the body that had become my prison. I was in a situation that I had absolutely no control over, and it was my worst nightmare wrapped up in a plot right out of the imagination of one of the masters of horror. I absolutely hated it.

"Sheppard."

_Ronon._

"I couldn't have asked for a better friend and leader. You gave me a chance at a new life when I was almost ready to give up."

_Oh, good. Now don't give up on me. I'm not ready for the whole glowy scene yet._

"Good-bye. One warrior to another, I salute you."

I heard the heavy tread of his boots moving away.

_Wait! That's it? I mean, I know you're not one for talking a lot, Chewy, but that was short even for you! Come on, no remarks about how you can wipe the mat with me at hand to hand? How about my ability to get us into trouble? No warning that if I'm not around, you're going to shoot McKay? Oh, well, its the thought that counts. Literally for me right now._

"John Sheppard, it is not right that you should leave us this way."

_You got that right, Teyla. Should have known with Ronon here, you wouldn't be far behind._

"I will honor your memory, and that of the kindness you have shown my people. You have been a strong, true friend and I shall sorely miss you. Dr. Weir showed me a photograph of one of your Ferris Wheels. I should have liked to have the opportunity to ride one with you when we had the leisure to visit Earth. She told me of one that General O'Neill told her about that has two wheels connected, which both rotate as the entire machine rotates as well. It is at someplace called the Minnesota State Fair. We had wished to surprise you with the possibility of traveling there for your next birthday."

_Hang in there, Teyla, maybe we still can. I'll even try to act surprised, and you're right, it sounds pretty cool. Too bad Minnesota doesn't have a decent football team. I'd take you to a game, too._

"Jinto will miss playing catch with you, and all the children will miss your stories. Though they do require some occasional explaining. I will try-"

_No, don't start crying on me, Teyla. I can't handle that right now! Deep breaths, slow and easy._

"I will try to be a friend and mentor to Allie. Atlantis will not be the same without you."

_Oh, shit. _

That did it. I wanted to be anywhere but there at the moment. To scream, cry, chew her out, _anything_ but this. The thought that my little girl believed I was dead, so soon after promising her I wouldn't leave... I could hear the beeping of the heart monitor pick up speed in reaction to my thoughts.

_Hey! Maybe... Nope, no movement._

"Dr. Beckett! Carson! I need you now!"

Teyla's call was extremely demanding for my normally tranquil team mate. Several sets of running feet immediately answered, skidding to a halt near me.

"Teyla! What is it, love?" Carson.

"John's heartbeat has quite abruptly become much faster. I believe it may have been in response to my mentioning of Allie."

The soft whir of the Ancient scanner passed by my ear. Hands gently pulled the blankets off of me and the cold of a stethoscope rested against my chest. A disappointed sigh.

"It's just an automatic response to the medication in his IV. There's no other change except his auditory nerves firin' for some reason. I'm afraid there really isn't a chance for anything improvin'. The power surge that went through him seems to have destroyed all the brain's neural pathways. Its like wipin' a computer clean, love. There's nothin' left to tell it how to rewire itself so it can work again."

"Then there is truly no hope this time?"

"I've only heard of one case where the brain repaired itself that was anywhere near this level of damage, but it took six years for the man to come out of the coma and the damage wasn't this severe. It was also the result of head trauma during a car accident, not an electrical discharge. Imagine his brain takin' the same kind of damage as Rodney's left hand, but several times stronger."

Teyla's reply was soft, broken. "Thank you, Carson. I just-"

"I know, love. I feel the same way. If there were even the slightest hope, I wouldna hesitate to take it, but... Even the colonel has run out of miracles this time."

_I sure hope you're wrong about that one, Carson! I don't **feel **like someone used my brain in that old anti-drug commercial... So tired..._

"-isn't very fair of you to leave me here on my own, John!"

_Whoa! Waking up to an angry Elizabeth is not what I had in mind!_

"Dammit! Maybe I should have General O'Neill bust you back down to Major so you'll quit trying to die on me! Colonels in this galaxy seem to have too short a life-expectancy."

_Hmmm... Tell me about it, I shortened one of them and the other said he wished I'd been there to do it again!_

"You know, I depend on you to help me run this place. You're my anchor, the one I can always count on to back me up, or tell me I'm being an idiot. Do you even realize how much safer you make everyone feel just being around here? There's going to be a giant hole in the fabric of this place when you leave, and nobody is ever going to be able to fill it."

_Elizabeth...please don't. You don't owe me anything. You gave me a chance when no one else would. Even if I knew how it would end, there's no way I would have turned down the last two years._

"I'm not really sure how you'd feel about this, John, but..."

_Uh oh, please tell me you didn't do what I think you're about to say you did!_

"When I sent the update to the SGC this morning, I asked General Landry to contact your father."

_Crap. Crap, crap, and double crap._

"I thought he should at least be notified of your condition, that Dr. Beckett doesn't think... Well, you know we can't tell him where you're actually at or what you're doing, and you never mention him, but I thought he needed to know."

_There's a good reason for that, Elizabeth. He has a lower opinion of me than even Sumner did. To him, I'm nothing but a worthless screw-up who's a disgrace to the uniform._

"I want you to know, John, how much I value you for just being _you._ You've made me laugh when all I wanted to do was give up and cry, even when I should have slapped you and Rodney both in time outs for acting like two-year-olds. Don't think that I don't know who _really _put super glue on Kavanaugh's chair, or that blue dye in his hair gel!"

Elizabeth laughed softly, obviously enjoying the memory.

_Oh yeah, that was fun! Dr. Z pulled some nice ones, too, like modifying the jerk's computer so every time he hit 'Enter', the thing insulted him!_

"I'll take care of him for you, John. Allie, too. We all will. Neither one of them is taking this very well, as you can imagine. It's going to be a rough road, going on without you, and I highly doubt Caldwell will be going out of his way to make it easier. Did you know that Rodney's been so focused on you that he hasn't once asked Carson to let Radek bring him any work? He hasn't been driving the nurses insane with requests, either."

_Not good. A quiet Rodney needs to be watched pretty closely. I really need to be up and around, I have too much to do to lay here dying!_

"Elizabeth?"

"Rodney! You startled me, I thought you were still asleep."

"I was until just a second ago."

"Are you in pain? I can get Carson..."

"No! To quote a friend, 'I'm good.' I just- I want to sit with him for a while, if you don't mind. I need to- Well, you know."

"Yes... I'll be with Carson in his office if you need anything. We have some problems to go over with that project he wants to run, not the least of which is how to capture another Wraith in the first place."

Soft footsteps came to the head of my bed and a hand smoothed my always unruly hair.

"I'll come back later, John."

Silence descended except for the electronic chorus of the machines. I had almost let myself float back into sleep when-

"You have a lot of nerve up and dying on me right now, after all the messes I've pulled your butt out of. And making _me _decide-"

He broke off mid sentence, then continued, quieter.

"I really don't know if I can. Something just feels _wrong _about this whole mess! That kind of trust..."

_You're my team mate and my friend. Who better? I trust you with my life every time we walk through that gate. And you- all of you- trust me with yours._

"I don't know what made you choose me for your team, believe that I actually had the courage somewhere deep inside, but all I can say is thank you."

_Your welcome. I knew it was there the minute you grabbed that shield and headed down the steps of the Control Room. I just had to make you dig deep enough to find it. Really, really deep._

"You've taught me a lot, you know. Me, the genius who thought he knew everything, or at least ten times more than any fly boy. You showed me just how wrong I was."

A mocking chuckle, then the scrape of a chair near my bed.

"I'm not very good with people, you know that, but... I feel like I ought to make one of those stupid posters. 'All I Need to Know to Survive in the Pegasus Galaxy, I Learned From John Sheppard... Never lose the clip out of your gun or you'll be doing target practice for the next month. When Wraith are involved, find team mates with lots of muscles and big guns. Never tell an Air Force Colonel something's impossible. The military _is _occasionally good for something besides blowing things up. Blowing up three-fourths of a solar system, however, is bad."

There was a heavy pause, and when he continued, Rodney's tone had lost its slightly sarcastic teasing note. Now it was just heavy, and very, very sad.

"Trust is precious, and should never be taken lightly. Don't get so caught up in the science that you put the safety of yourself or your team at risk. Even a self-proclaimed coward can be a hero. Always look for the good in others. Never give up, there's always a way out, you just haven't thought of it yet. Friends can show up as the unlikeliest person around. And we never, _ever _leave our people behind."

_Oh, shit, Rodney. I suck at the whole emotional thing. You're killing me here. No pun intended._

"I don't know if you'd agree with this or not, but I _can't _give up on you, John. Not yet, not until I'm certain. So you just tell your heart to stay beating for me awhile longer, okay?"

_I've never been so glad to have you around, my friend. Thank you. You just showed exactly why I **do** trust you to make this decision. We'll have to work on Carson and his belief in the impossible if you get me out of this. He did well enough with the whole retrovirus mess, though. I'm really tired, Rodney. Think I'll just sleep for a while. Wouldn't be the first time I did that to you..._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

Rodney's POV

It had been three long, torturous days, but somehow I still couldn't bring myself to tell Carson to flip that switch. Thankfully, he wasn't pushing me to make a decision, so I'd sort of made one by not making one. No more of John's systems had shut down, as the doctors expected them to, but there hadn't been any improvement, either. I had been officially released from the infirmary two days ago with instructions to rest, though I was still spending most of my time there, with _him._

I had gotten off lucky with only a serious, not severe, jolting and burns, as Carson never ceased to remind me. Even I admitted it was a first-year students' mistake, and I definitely deserved the criticism, but did he really feel it necessary to bring it up every time I saw him? Granted, I _had _given him nine kinds of hell after Hoff, until even John was yelling at me to knock it off...

Irritably, I pulled at the light wrapping encasing my left hand. The stupid thing itched horribly, though the green goop that Carson insisted on slathering it with _did_ seem to be helping with the healing and pain. For all his technology, the voodoo doctor couldn't come up with something better for burns than the sap of some cactus-like plant he kept in his office? Medicine was definitely _not _a true science!

"Am I really doing the right thing, waiting, or am I really just avoiding letting go like everyone says?"

Without the slightest bit of my previous self-consciousness, I watched the screen of the laptop sitting open on the bedside table for an answer.

'No! I'm not ready to give up, either. Can I tell you a secret, Dr. McKay? You won't laugh?'

It was a measure of how far Allie and I had come in the last few days that I didn't scornfully dismiss the girl for such a question. Not to mention that she'd felt comfortable enough to ask it in the first place. It had started out tentatively, with a game of chess on the computer as I sat late one night with John, unable to sleep. The next morning, we had actually begun talking to each other, comparing our insights on a certain colonel, and sharing stories. Allie had the advantage of seeing John on occasions when I had been too busy, or just plain elsewhere. I wish I'd been there to witness him finally beat Teyla, or run Ronon into the ground! Now, well, the kid and I at least tolerated each other.

"No. I may tell you its stupid, but I won't laugh at you."

'Once or twice I... I thought I heard John calling for me. I felt his love, like he'd just thought me a hug. He always does that just before bed time.'

I shut my eyes and dropped my head, unable to reply right away. I couldn't believe how much this hurt. It hadn't been like this when my parents died, but to them I'd been nothing more than a trophy, a triumph of their bedroom prowess and genetics to parade in front of their teeth grinding 'friends'.

"That's not stupid." I managed a strangled whisper. Reaching out, I rested my good hand on John's slack one. "You hear that, you self-destructive idiot? There are people here who love and depend on you! Allie and I are even working with Radek on the repairs without arguing."

'I thought you said you were going to be honest. Dr. Smartypants.'

I smiled slightly. "Twerp. All right, so there's some mild arguing and creative name calling, but no yelling. Its scary how much the kid's like you already. That's just what we need around here, too. A mini-John Sheppard in our computer. I- Hey!"

The body on the bed seemed to be convulsing suddenly.

"CARSON! Carson! Help! No, no, no... You _can't _die yet, I'm not ready! Stupid, stubborn, scrawny, self-sacrificing-"

"Bloody hell! Move, Rodney!" The doctor shoved me firmly aside and a moment later the privacy curtain was shut in my face.

With a resigned grumble, I set about calling Elizabeth, Ronon, and Teyla, telling them that _something _was going on, I just wasn't sure what. I just hoped it wasn't like some of the stories I'd heard, where someone held on until they were sure something had come out the way they wanted it to, then let go... All of us had been taking turns sitting with John the last few days, making sure he wasn't alone just in case. I knew they had been waiting for and dreading this call as much as I was. Getting acknowledgments that they were all on their way, I sank down into a nearby plastic chair, gratefully accepting my laptop from a distracted nurse. Allie and I could at least work at untangling some of the central programming screwed up by the virus. Maybe, just maybe, it would let us both forget for a few minutes...

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John's POV

I was almost resigned, now, to dying. I didn't want to, wasn't ready to, but it seemed I wouldn't get a choice this time. No last minute reprieve or Beckett/McKay insane miracle this time. No glowing spirit guide to ascension so far, either, though I had mixed feelings about _that_.

I had a few bones to pick with their night lighted highnesses, and I doubted they were going to be very receptive to my opinions. Kind of like trying to explain to the Genii that bullying and bigger guns weren't always a smart way to get what you wanted.

_Probably would get myself kicked out within a day, anyway. The minute someone from Atlantis got into trouble, nothing that lazy bunch could do would stop me from a little interference... Just how Dr. Jackson put up with their stupid rules as long as he did is beyond me. Then, patience has never been a virtue of mine._

I didn't have any clue how long it had been anymore. I had been drifting in and out of consciousness quite a bit. Sometimes I'd wake up to talking, other times to silence, but a faint rustle, a shifting foot or the scrape of a chair told me I was never alone. I wished I could thank them for that. It made it easier as I lay there, feeling my body weaken, my time awake growing shorter and shorter...

Only to wake for what I was sure would be the last time, choking, fighting desperately to take just one more breath...

_TBC..._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Lessons in Hope and Healing

John's POV

As I struggled against whatever blocked my throat, I felt my body convulsing, attempting to force it out. Vaguely, I heard shouts of alarm, machines screeching their own warnings, and hands on my body, restraining. Then- cool, sweet oxygen there for the taking. I drew in breath after breath, unable to get enough. Hands bracketed my face.

"He's hyperventilatin'! Give him- Aye, that'll do fine, thank you Bethany. As soon as we get him stabilized again, I want a full brain scan done. Somethin's changed here and I- Bloody hell!"

Hearing my friend's voice giving orders to the others around me, my eyes had seemed to slide open on their own. I was feeling slightly sleepy, and my head was pounding, but my breathing had begun to slow down as whatever they had given me took effect. Sliding my eyes to the left, I met the startled but motherly gaze of Bethany Kirran, still holding my IV line. Carson must have noted her diverted attention, because just after his loud exclamation, his familiar face appeared just above mine on the right. Hearing that dreaded click and seeing his hand start to come at my face holding something, I quickly allowed my eyes to close once more.

_Oh, no you don't! Not this time!_

Carson gave a snort of mixed annoyance and shock, while Bethany just laughed.

"Alright, lad, no penlight for now, but only if you open yer eyes for me again."

A pause. I was almost afraid to try. What if they wouldn't respond again? What if I were trapped like this for the rest of my life?

"Colonel, if you're really there, I need you to open yer eyes and look at me. You can do it. Please, John."

Yeah, I actually _could._ A surge of triumph and hope went through me as I blinked a few times against the brightly lit room. After my eyes had adjusted again, I sought out my favorite doc. There he was, and whiter than the infirmary linen! His eyes were as wide as the pocket watch on Elizabeth's desk, fear and hope warring for control of his expression.

"If you-" He stopped, swallowing hard. "If you can hear me, son, I want ya ta try noddin' your head."

_Not asking for much, are you?_

Firmly shoving down my own fear, I fought with my body for what seemed like an eternity. I could see the hope beginning to dim in Carson's eyes when, muscles screaming in protest, I managed one slight nod. A wide grin lit up the Scot's face just as I felt answering waves of child-like utter joy wash through me. It was only as a tear rolled down my cheek that I realized the emotions weren't entirely my own. Allie filled me, rejoicing, and a spike of pure-white pain drove through my head, sending more tears rolling unchecked down my face.

"Father! You're okay! You're really there, you didn't leave me!"

As wonderful as it was to have my little girl's voice ringing in my head, I just wasn't up to dealing with more pain right now. I could feel myself teetering on the edge of blacking out, and wasn't positive I could pull myself out of that dark pit another time.

_Allie, love, you have to ease off!_

A gasp. "Oh, I'm sorry!"

With remarkable control, the girl eased back out of my mind until I only perceived her at the very edges of my awareness, a reassuring, loving presence. The emotional wave receded, as did at least some of the pain, allowing me to reaffirm my hold on consciousness. Upon reopening my eyes, however, it appeared that everyone had deserted me. Off to my right, I heard the scrape of a chair, then a Scottish protest.

"I'm fine! I need ta see to the colonel!"

"Like hell you are. Stay there."

Bethany reappeared on my right, where Carson had been. Giving me a brief smile, she focused her attention on something above me, out of my line of sight.

"Hmmm... Looks like a certain little girl realized you were with us again. The jump in activity registered on the scan I just ran. Are you in any pain?

I forced another nod, not about to put up a brave front at the moment.

"Your head?"

Another nod. The lights in the infirmary immediately dimmed to a less painful level.

"Thank you, Allie-girl. I'm sure John would thank you as well if he could right now. Any pain anywhere else?"

A slight head-shake, neck muscles objecting and all manner of wires, tubes, and attachments pulling.

"All right, young man, let me check a few other things, but you're doing remarkably well. I suspect that the pain in your head is from the nasty electrical jolt you took. I'll see about getting you something for that in just a few minutes, so bare with me a bit longer. Achmed, Karolyn, I need you to help me roll him so I can take-"

A second scrape of the chair had the petite doctor whirling around.

"Carson! I told you to stay sitting down! You've barely eaten or slept for five days now, and it won't help _anyone_, least of all John, if you faint! Don't think I won't sedate you if I have to! I did it to Janet Frasier when she tried to work herself into the ground once! Achmed, kindly get our stubborn CMO some soup from the mess hall, then make up a cot in here. If Carson doesn't use it, I've no doubt Dr. McKay or Dr. Weir _will_ !"

I'd have laughed if I could. I had liked Dr. Bethany Kirran from the day she'd stepped from the _Daedalus_ in mid-rant at a chagrined looking Colonel Caldwell, who hadn't believed a crewman when she said she was sick. She was the saintly grandmother to everyone- until she caught you being stupid, then you were dead meat. Woe be it to anyone who got injured through their own negligence only to be unlucky enough to arrive at the infirmary to find Bethany on duty instead of Carson or Dr. Biro!

"As for you, John Sheppard..."

_Uh oh!_

By the time Bethany was done with me, I thought I had been poked and prodded to death, and wanted to sleep for another week, but my optimism about getting out of this in one _moving _piece had risen considerably. My arms and legs had proved that they would actually move when I told them to, albeit sluggishly with no fine motor control. I continued to breath on my own as well, even though I had been taken from the ventilator suddenly rather then weaned slowly off as the doctors preferred. My brain scans were also showing healthy brain activity where only a few hours before there had been nothing. I heard the word 'miracle' uttered more than once. All in all, I could live with it.

Just as Bethany was summing up and ordering the promised pain meds, Carson reappeared, looking much more like himself. He gripped my hand, leaning over me almost hesitantly until I shifted my eyes to meet his and his grin returned.

"I had ta check fer myself that I hadna been dreamin', lad. Welcome back, an' would ya kindly stop scarin' the daylights outta me!"

Unable to talk due to an intensely sore throat, I mouthed 'sorry' at him under the oxygen mask.

"That's alright, John, just so long as yer with us. Now, there's four people in my waitin' room who are a mite bit upset. I'd like ta let them see ya for a minute before we leave ya to yer rest. Not ta mention before that walkin' mountain out there decides to make a new door! We thought-"

Closing my eyes, I summoned up the energy for one last nod. I _knew _what they thought and it was the last thing I wanted to dwell on right now.

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Rodney's POV

I was terrified, which translated itself into sarcasm and general snarkiness. Not too pleasant for those around me, not that I really cared. The wait had been too long, a little over an hour already, leaving me to wonder if Carson really _had_ taken up ancient rituals. I mean, come on, how long did it really take to tell that the end had come? The breathing and heart stopped, and that was that. It didn't take a medical degree from a crackerjack box to figure _that _one out.

"Will you stop! You're going to put someone's eye out!" I snapped, meeting Ronon's gaze head on, pointing to the knife the large man was restlessly flipping around. Dark eyes met mine with a clear 'you and what army are going to try?' look.

"Rodney." Elizabeth chided tiredly.

"What! I for one do _not _want to be blinded-"

A huge grin inexplicably split my face as a heady joy filled me, leaving me giddy.

"Rodney? Are you ill?" Teyla was at my elbow, guiding me back down into a chair.

"I don't really know, I just...can't help it."

_Am I going insane? Why am I grinning like a lunatic when my best friend's in the other room dying!_

Before I could ponder this phenomenon further, Carson rounded the corner wearing an identical expression.

"Carson?" Elizabeth questioned hesitantly, apparently trying to decide if the medical and science heads needed another doctor.

"Come with me, all o' ya! It's a bloody miracle!"

O-kay. 'Miracle' wasn't a word I was used to hearing associated with death. Not to mention being very unscientific. With a puzzled shrug, we followed him back to the familiar small isolation/ICU room where John's body lay. The first thing I noticed upon entering was the ventilator, sitting silently abandoned to the side. John was breathing on his own! Studying the nearby heart monitor, my own in my throat, I noted that the beat displayed was stronger and steadier then it had been since he was brought here.

_What the hell is going on? Do I dare to hope?_

Slowly, I approached to still form on the bed. Somehow, with a gut-felt certainty, I _knew _what I'd find there. Reaching out, I gently tapped the side of John's face as I'd felt Carson do to me on occasion.

"Rodney..." The sadly whispered protest came from the expedition leader directly behind me, and had me instantly shaking my head.

"Wait!" I firmly told them before once again tapping the unresponsive man. I noted, however, that Carson was standing next to me, just grinning at my actions.

"Wakey, wakey, Colonel Slug-a-bed. You're beginning to annoy me, and you know when I get annoyed, I get loud!"

"Not ta mention cheeky, arrogant, obnoxious- Oof!"

A well-placed elbow to Carson's ribs cut off the mutter just as John stirred. Slowly, twin hazel orbs appeared, blinking sleepily at me. Then recognition lit them up and he slowly nodded at me before once again settling back into a deep, healing sleep.

A child's voice sounded in my head. "He said to tell you that if you got loud right now, you'd be walking to the next planet."

TBC... Just one more to go! Now, how fast can I type? Or, more importantly, how fast do you _want _me to type? Review, please.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Graduation March

Rodney's POV

Four days later, I leaned against the doorway to the medical unit's balcony, watching the man covered in blankets ensconced in a reclining chair. He actually looked pretty good, with a lot more color to his face as he laughed at something Allie had written on his laptop. Cautiously, I flexed my own healing hand, marveling at the regenerative powers of the human body. John's recovery had them all scratching their heads, both here and at the SGC according to Carson. Everything in the records leading up to his sudden awakening said the man shouldn't be laying there. The power that went through his mind should have deep fried his brain in its own juices. They were still calling it a medical miracle, whatever the hell that meant. Carson, Allie, and I had our own theories, though we weren't sharing all of them. Mostly because they probably wouldn't believe us.

We thought that because the power surge had gone through Allie into John, that perhaps she had been able to shield him from the worst of it somehow. Instead of frying his brain, the surge merely scrambled it, almost like a radio with its channel signals temporarily scrambled. Everything was still there, but someone using the radio would only find static on their normal channels, leading them to think it was broken. Only the brain stem, isolated and protected, had survived with minimal damage, allowing basic functions to keep him alive. That, however, had fooled all the equipment into reading him as brain dead. Then, like a computer trying to reboot itself, his brain slowly re-established working connections as the pathways finally healed. This, the medical staff accepted, if only for want of any other explanation. It was the next part that could have them measuring us for straitjackets.

Both Carson and I had been unusually hesitant to face what should have been an obvious choice in light of the medical scans. John was brain dead, and we knew him well enough to know what his wishes would be in such a situation. Yet neither of us had been willing to have that step taken, waiting almost as if for some unknown sign. Coupled with what Allie had told me of thinking she heard John call out to her several times, and... Well, we thought perhaps John _had _been able to let Allie know on some level that he was still there, and she in turn unknowingly influenced the two of us. Other then Major Lorne, who had gone off-world soon after Sheppard was found, Carson and I possessed the strongest ATA genes on Atlantis outside of Sheppard, artificial or natural. Allie had connected with us on the same level that she used to keep tabs on Sheppard. It would certainly explain Carson and I both feeling the little girl's joy when John woke up.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Knowing that a child could influence my mind without me even realizing it was a little unnerving. Allie, though, had immediately promised never to do so unless in dire circumstances, and for once I was willing to accept that. After all, Sheppard was the one teaching her ethics and _nobody_ in their right mind would question _his_ word. I was beginning to like the twerp, even, _despite_ her being a child- sort of. Repairs had certainly gone smoother once we both stopped assuming the other was a complete idiot and _constructively_ argued. Now, Atlantis was fully up and running- except for her military commander.

I didn't think it would be all that long before he was back in full fighting mode, too. After all, he had a lot of motivation to be in tip top form, able to defend the city and all her inhabitants, including a little girl whom I noted calling him 'Father' more and more. Greater control of his body had been gradually returning, and Carson expected him to be at 100 within another few days. With typical John Sheppard style, the colonel seemed to be shrugging off the ordeal, acting more concerned about the guilt the rest of us were feeling about what had almost happened. Not that any of us had actually _told _him we were about to kill him. No, we just _acted_ like a bunch of six-year-olds who'd raided the cookie jar. Case in point, Carson was letting the man wear sweats and a long-sleeved shirt instead of scrubs. In turn, though, I hadn't heard John complain even once about the restrictions he was under or the seemingly endless tests Carson and the others wanted to run. The pilot was suddenly the model patient, not even pulling any pranks on the nurses like he normally would have as he felt better and got bored.

I had my own ideas about the causes of _that_, though John insisted it was simply because he was still too tired. I had watched, this morning, as he woke from a nightmare, muttering about 'giving up' and 'plugs' until he noticed me watching and clammed up tight. I was afraid that he had heard and remembered a lot more then he was admitting to, and it _was _affecting him, no matter how often he said he was 'fine'. He would be telling me the truth this morning, whether he liked it or not, or I'd have Beckett haul him to Heightmeyer by his spiky hair. I had put too much time and effort into his scrawny butt to sit here and watch him crack.

"Are you planning on continuing to stand there staring, or would you like to come and sit down, Rodney?"

John spoke in a gravelly whisper, throat still sore from the breathing tube, not to mention the abrupt way it had been yanked out. Again, typical Sheppard, never doing things the easy way.

"I was contemplating the unfairness of you being allowed to wear your own clothes when Carson always insists on sticking me in one of those dumb, way-too-ventilated gowns. The man who invented the things must have been stupider than my assistants."

Ah! At least I got a laugh!

"Be careful. Elizabeth told me if you made any more of them cry she was going to turn the science department over to Dr. Z for a week!"

Sinking down into the chair next to him, I gave John my best 'over my mangled body' glare.

"Speaking of people in trouble, Colonel Clam, Carson knows you're hiding something and is about _this _close," holding thumb and forefinger about half an inch apart, "to insisting you be hauled off to Kate, whom I heard you chased outta here yesterday. I talked him into giving me a chance to get you talking first, but..."

_Nobody ever accused me of not being willing to lie when I think its necessary!_

John winced. "I'm not hiding anything."

_Yeah, and my IQ's lower then 100!_

I rolled my eyes. "That was transparent even for you. Spill. I've got better things to do then pry things out of reckless fly boys."

"McKay..."

"Sheppard..."

His hands began to fidget, twisting in his lap, while his gaze lighted on anything but me.

"Rodney... Near as I can figure out, my hearing came back about the second day in the infirmary. Though I drifted in and out a lot."

_Okay, what does that have to- Oh shit._

Talk about a sucker punch! I stared at him, horrified, as my memory kicked in, supplying me with the details of what had been discussed well within his hearing that day. Even heavily medicated at the time, I sure wasn't ever going to forget that awful conversation. How much worse must it have been to lay there, knowing we were talking about him, but unable to let us know he was really alive? I'd have lost it right then and there.

"You heard us talking about-" I couldn't say it.

Hazel eyes came up, sad, _haunted_. "Yeah. Nobody else gets told, Rodney, especially not Carson or Elizabeth. They feel bad enough as it is. I'm tired of all of them acting so _weird_ around me, and this would just make it worse. I'm dealing with it, I'm good."

He tried to give me the old Sheppard crooked grin, but it didn't quite come off. Yeah, he was 'good' all right. Unfortunately, the man could read me like a book.

"Nobody has to tiptoe around, I don't really blame any of you. Carson thinks I'll make a full recovery. Even the headaches are starting to fade, and I walked out here with only Ronon's arm to steady me. Besides, I'm safe, on Atlantis, surrounded by friends... You're not the only one whose learned a lot of lessons here, though personally I always thought those posters were kinda cool."

I gave my friend my best innocent look.

"Well, of course they are. What moron could possibly have said they weren't?"

I had to duck fast to avoid the pillow that came flying my way, charitably picking it up and handing it back instead of throwing. Just this once, because the man was still ill, and I was just grateful he was here at all.

After all, what are friends for?

The End.

A/N Thank you all for the encouragement you've given! I'm so glad you enjoy these stories!


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